Weekend Wrap Up

I took a break from writing because I got lazy. It’s pretty easy in quarantine to sleep in a few hours too long for just one day and before you know it you’re not getting out of bed until midday, only doing yoga once a day instead of twice and not showering until you can smell your own B.O.

I’m just going to put it down to “weekend vibes”. In the spirit of weekend relaxation I allowed myself an Uber Eats order but it went horribly wrong when Oporto’s forgot to put my Prego burger INTO MY BAG. Even though the meals aren’t too bad here they are starting to get monotonous which is why I was so excited for my treat. Case and point these are the meals I received over the last 3 days:

Note that the cereal has changed from Sultana Bran to Nutrigrain this week and I am not happy about it

Other weekend achievements involved:

• Eventually receiving my missing burger
• Changing the bedding to fresh sheets provided by the hotel. The sheets were delivered at a moment of peak laziness so I did debate if I even needed to change them or if I could just keep the nicely tucked ones on for another week…….
• Finished the final season of Schitt’s Creek
• Started watching Unsolved Mysteries
• Learning that Ned Flanders was a PHARMACIST before he opened the Leftorium!
• Felt the baby kicking for the first time!

But I think the true pinnacle of the weekend was when I maturely decided to be healthy and just eat my side salad that came with my dinner instead of ordering take out again because I did not fancy eating the gloopy risotto that was served for the main

Divine intervention

But then my sleeve got caught on a shelf causing quite the spill. I took it as a sign from the lord of quarantine that I should just order the Pad Thai I was craving all day.

On a side note trying to clean up spilt lentils and quinoa with no dust pan or vacuum is really hard.

I’ll just call reception about it in the morning……

Surviving the swab

I have never needed a drink more during this pregnancy than I did after enduring my first Covid test nasal swab. It was previously described to me as a pap smear for your nose and to be honest I’d rather have 5 smears in a row then go through that again…..luckily I get to do it again on Day 10!

Any penetration of that severity warrants at least a post entry cocktail but I had to settle for Wagon Wheel chocolate bar that came with my lunch

Can confirm not as good as the OG wagon wheel

On the plus side I had a present delivered from the hotel soon after the swab to keep me distracted…..

This doesn’t bode well for the crochet kit……

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that finishing one hard sudoku puzzle erases the damage of watching 3 hours of the Kardashians which is what I’m currently averaging so this booklet truly is a blessing.

Apart from swabs and sudoku I also managed to get changed out of my pyjamas before midday and wash my hair.

Maybe she’s born with it, maybe she just got swabbed

And don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten to document my other two meals for the day:

I wonder how many mornings of Sultana Bran I’ll be able to withstand before I lose my shit. Both literally and figuratively

Quarantine Queen

I haven’t blogged for two years but nothing like a government mandated quarantine to inspire you to return to the keyboard.

In an attempt to stave off boredom I’m going to try and post for everyday I’m in isolation but can’t guarantee that by Day 4 it won’t just be a collection of memes.

For Day #1 I’d like to answer a few basic questions everyone has been asking:

How’s the food?

Given that the government is paying for this stay I didn’t have high expectations for the quality of food but overall it’s been edible albeit unhealthy.

Breakfast arrived at 6a.m so glad it was mostly continental style so I could wait a few hours before eating it

The sauce to pie ratio is way off

Winner winner lasagne dinner

How’s the room?

I’ll let the view speak for itself

Classic bridge and house combo

Wow that’s an amazing view! Did you shamelessly exploit your pregnant belly to try and sway the policeman’s sympathies so he would assign you a nicer room?

Yes the only reason I am having this baby is too exploit him for my own personal gain so it might as well start while he is in utero.

What are you going to do to stay entertained for two whole weeks?

Well today I watched back to back episodes of Come Dine With Me UK, Great British Bake Off and The Great Australian Bake Off and that killed about 4 glorious hours

OMG! What’s it like watching TV with ads in it?

It’s actually really nice having the pressure of what to watch being taken away. I think the time spent watching the ads is still less than the time spent browsing Netflix wondering what to watch.

Is it true your Ma still pays for your Netflix account?

Yes I am on her Family Plan. I’m giving her a grandchild it’s the least she can do.

Can I FaceTime you during your stay?

Yes but don’t expect me to be wearing pants or a bra

Can I send you a care package?

Yes please send help to room 2701 at the Intercontinental Sydney

Why did you buy a travel sewing kit?

I’m going to watch YouTube clips and learn how to sew buttons so I can finally wear this shirt again

When do you think you’ll open that Learn to Crochet kit you bought?

Fuck you